I am sick of being shy, and self conscious about getting out and meeting new people and making friends. I know lots of people are this way, but I know I have a harder time then most. Robby tells me "sit by someone at church" I say "I would, but what if they were saving that seat for someone else or they don't want to sit by me"? Robby says "invite someone over for a play date". I say "that freaks me out. what if they don't want to, or when they come over they think my house is ugly or dirty or what ever. What if they are bored at my house"? I have all these insecurities keeping me from making friends. It's really starting to bother me because I want friends. I want a friend that I can go hang out with, have over for dinner, call when I am bored, babysit for each other, etc....
So how do I fix this problem of mine? It isn't a easy one to fix. I can't "make" my self not feel this way. I've been this way all my life! Any suggestions?
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August on the Way Out
3 weeks ago
13 comments:
Oh girl I know it's easier said than done but you shouldn't worry about what people will think. If the person is going to be your true friend they won't care if your house is dirty and they won't be bored either. You are a wonderful person and anyone would be privileged to be your friend and spend some time with you! If I lived in UT I would so come hang out or baby sit. Though I don't know how I'd handle that many kids at once. HA HA HA! Either way I think my advice would be to start with baby steps. If you've been this way all your life you won't change over night and you don't want to do too much and get discouraged. Try maybe meeting new people with existing friends or family members so you'll have a mutual friend there to help break the ice. Do your kids have any friends they like? If so maybe invite that friend over WITH their parent so you could enjoy some adult time while the kids play. I have some friends who will just go to the park and meet people. Maybe take the kids to the park and see if anyone will come talk to you. Either way, don't get discouraged. You are FABULOUS just the way you are and when you find some great friends they will see that too. Good luck!
Thanks Heather. You are kind. I liked your suggestions.
I had a group of great friends in my old neighborhood, we all moved and things changed.
It's so hard Kaycee! I'm the same way at church. I have to really really try hard to sit by someone- and that doesn't happen very often. But I figure, I'd love it if someone invited me to their house or sat by me at church so why wouldn't the other people like it if I did? I don't have suggestions really, cause I'm the same way. It's hard. Maybe if we just close our eyes and do it fast like ripping off a bandaid?
Haha Amanda!
That's true I need to sit by someone. Most people already have friends to sit by. But I could find someone who didn't. Once I sat by 2 ladies and they completely ignored me. So it made me not want to sit by anyone who was already sitting with their friends.
I want to do a playdate! Brigham and Lily would have fun together and we could chat. I always assume that people with older kids wouldn't want to do a playdate with me because there wouldn't be anyone for their older kids to play with, or they are so busy with all their kids that they don't have time. So I never take the initiative to set anything up! But I should.
Jamie, lets do a playdate. I would like to. Even Abbey would like Lily over.
Sounds very, very familiar!!
I don't have many solutions because I haven't had much success at getting to know new people either. I'm much better at communicating online than I am in person, when I'm likely to clam up (and I've been told) give people the impression that I'm stuck up and not interested.
I take a long, long time to build friendships, so I have finally gotten a few good friends now that I've been in the same ward for 5 years. :-) But you know, I have had the best luck making friends through visiting teaching, for all that I'm not a great visiting teacher. Not with everyone I teach, but I prayed several years ago for a friend, a good friend, one of those days when I was feeling lonely. And the RS Pres asked me to be partners with a new sister in the ward who was also a new convert. I was horribly shy and not myself at first, but over time she has become my absolute best friend, for all that we're so different. Anyway, the point of my long-winded rambling is that praying for friends might help and don't overlook possibilities through VT (you have an excuse to talk to them then).
Well, you sure have some wonderful friends here and on FB. I was like that in my younger years. Reading lots of self-help books and attending the same kind of seminars really helped, but still my best friends are my family. I try (at church) to not think of myself and my feelings, but try to think of theirs. Can I do/say anything to brighten their day, make them feel loved/valuable, anything I can do to help them, etc. Be of service, even if it's only a big smile. If you're being loving, no one is judging you but they'll be drawn to you. Be happy.
I have worked very hard to overcome this, try one thing new over and over and over until it in not hard for you. Then move onto something else out of your comfort zone and repeat. You will still have moments but it will get easier. I think I was shyer then you when we were kids!
one thing that has really helped me is that i decided that i'm not even going to think about or care what other people MIGHT be thinking of me and just be the nicest person i can to everyone. sometimes i just pretend in my mind that everyone likes me and i am friends with everyone. i treat them like they are my friends and then we end up being friends. you just have to not care anymore. the worst thing anyone could say about you is that you are a really nice person.
honestly, i'm not lying, it made a huge difference in how i felt and fit in in my ward. you should try it, you won't regret it.
oh and another helpful thing i found is invite more than one person to do something (like take the kids to the park, have them over for lunch, etc), that way it's not all on you to entertain and you don't have to worry about awkwardness. get together one on one when you know them better and you know it won't be so awkward. :) do you see what i mean?
I always like when someone sits by me at church so I doubt anyone will not like that you sit by them. It can only make things better then worse and you can always try someone new if you arent feeling you two click. You'll always regreat if you dont try, but I doubt you will regreat if you try to make friends at church. But its easy said then done. Its just plain hard being shy.
I feel the same way most of the time. I try to be courageous, but then if I do sit by someone new. I end up not even talking to them. I don't know what's wrong with me. It takes me a long long time to make friends. If we lived close, I would love to have playdates and be friends. :)
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